Self Care is something that we do for ourselves but ultimately the ripple effect impacts our relationships, our confidence and how we cope emotionally.  When we do not make self care a priority we easily default into overwhelm, become reactive and emotional and feel like we are powerless.  

Here’s the thing,  Self care is not just about bubble baths and trips to the day spa.  Self care is an act of self compassion.  It’s allowing ourselves to experience the compassion that we so freely give to others.  

Often when we become reactive and overwhelmed it is because we go into the story in our minds.  The inner critic and self confessed judge of all things has been let loose.  We get caught up in this self criticism and self judgement which gives rise to the inner fear of not being enough.  

The ultimate act of self compassion is realising that we are enough.  You are MORE THAN ENOUGH!  

Next time you feel yourself going into overwhelm, becoming reactive or feeling like you are powerless, ask yourself “what would I say to a friend or loved one who was experiencing this?”

Stop the inner critic in their tracks and offer yourself the same love and compassion you would to others.  

 When you feel balanced you give off a calming energy to those around you.  Through this act of self care you create a beautiful ripple effect.  

Whilst I have been affected by the rapid onset of change that has been thrust upon us all in recent weeks, I have also been observing the effect it has been having on us all.

Our worlds have been changed into something unrecognisable to what they were this time last month. Enforced hibernation, Isolation from loved ones, unemployment, homeschooling and loss of a sense of freedom are just some of the “new normal” that we are all trying to accept.

Over the past few days, I have been unpacking my thoughts/feelings surrounding it all and trying to make some sense of my“new normal”.

Here is what I have come to realise.

Humans tend to fear change, we see it as a threat to our happiness. When in fact change is constant and continually happening. Day turns to night, Monday leads to Tuesday, Summer leads to Autumn, etc… We live in an ever-changing world. The difference is, these changes are expected and normal to our everyday lives. This sudden life-changing event that is the current Pandemic has been thrust upon us suddenly and turned our lives upside down.

We are all experiencing this slightly differently, but each of us are experiencing it together.

I have broken it down into six stages to help us understand what is going on in our minds at this time. These are Shock, Fear, Grief, Overwhelm, Rationalisation and Acceptance.

I will discuss each stage further.

SHOCK

Our initial response activates the fight/flight response in our brain. This causes our executive processing to shut down. Our Amygdala has been activated and the Jumping monkey as I like to call it is ready to fight or to run. Panic sets in.

FEAR

We feel like we have lost control over our lives and due to the shock we are also now ready to fight or to run. Our rational thinking is clouded due to the executive processing centre being closed down, we want to do everything we can to protect ourselves.

GRIEF

We don’t like this new reality and are mourning our old normality. We want to bury our heads in the sand and avoid the truth. We resist the change and feelings of depression and anxiety can set in.

It is important to reach out to loved ones during this time. Social distancing may be preventing us from seeing each other physically but we are fortunate to live in the digital age where it is easy to connect online or via the telephone.

If you are struggling and feel you have no-one to turn to please reach out to an organisation such as Lifeline 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue 1300 22 46 36.

OVERWHELM

We start to imagine what this new normality is going to look like. Frustration rises in us, feelings of loss of control return and Overthinking leads to anxiety as we look into an unknown future. We head off down the rabbit warren of uncertainty with our imagination, creating doomsday / apocalyptic scenarios in our minds.

It is important to watch your mind chatter. I use the acronym T.H.I.N.K to keep a check of mine. This stands for True. Helpful. Inspiring. Necessary. Kind. If what you are saying to yourself does not fall under any of these headings then its probably causing you unnecessary stress and is not worth listening to.

RATIONALISATION

Time to make a plan.

I look at change in 3 different perspectives. What I can control, what I can influence and What I have no control/influence over.

If we look at the changes we are currently facing through these 3 lenses it will help us to make a plan and feel like we have more control than we did when we were in Overwhelm.

Make a list of all the changes that have affected your life since the onset of this Pandemic. Then draw a grid and assign each change you are currently experiencing into a column of what you can control, what you can influence or what you can’t control. It may be an idea to do this with your partner or a friend as they may see things from a different perspective and be able to help you. Once you have identified what you can control and what you can influence you should feel like you have some clarity over your current situation. It will also feel easier to let go of the need to control or change what we have no influence over.

Which leads to;

ACCEPTANCE

Once we accept these changes we have the capacity to show ourselves more compassion, find realistic solutions and allow ourselves to mindfully make a plan.

Mindfulness is an amazing tool that keeps you present and helps you to navigate change. If you are new to mindfulness and meditation I recommend the Headspace or Calm apps as great ways to get started.

It feels to me like we have been stripped right back to basics and I know for sure that it has made me even more grateful for the simple things in life. A gratitude journal is a great way to help you to focus on the good things that are happening through all this. It will be interesting to reflect on in years to come too.

It’s very important to maintain the connection to others during this time of what I am calling physical distancing. We are hard-wired for connection, isolation is an unnatural state for us. We can still be social, just via an online connection. Make yourself a cuppa or pour a glass of wine and jump online for a chat with your friends and family. I have seen some very creative ideas around this on my social media which look like great fun.

Lastly, know that this storm will pass and we will have all gotten through it together.

If you are struggling and feel you have no-one to turn to please reach out to an organisation such as Lifeline 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue 1300 22 46 36.

As humans we are wired for connection with others.  Throughout the ages we have lived as Tribes, Communities, Villages and Civilisations.  Many of our basic needs were met through our sense of belonging and our relationships with others.  

In todays digital age we are more connected than we ever have been but we have lost the security of our fellow clansmen or villagers.  Those interpersonal relationships have been replaced with chat rooms, forums and google searches to name but a few.  

Instead of seeking the sage advice of a trusted confidant in the village we can seek advice from every corner of the globe.  Whilst this is awesome and offers us an array of answers and possibilities it can easily put us into overwhelm.  We start to question our own judgement and loose sense of our personal values.  

We all make decisions 95% of the time based on a subconscious set of values and beliefs that we have picked up mostly in our childhood.  

Within the security of the village our beliefs and values would be very similar and most likely aligned with our fellow villagers.  This meant that any advice received from others would most likely be relatively aligned with our own values.  

With an international audience we are now exposed to individuals with very different values.  This is what can send us into a tailspin of self judgement, overwhelm, chaos and reactivity If we are unaware of our own subconscious values, boundaries and emotional triggers.  

On the flip side if we are aware of our values this digital age can offer us connection and information like never before.